Some People
Aug. 27th, 2008 09:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annundrielSometimes I just do not understand some of the people that I am friends with. There will be moments during conversations where my mind will be off going, "Did you really just say what I think you just said? And why am I still surprised by this after all this time?"
The most recent example had to do with parenting. Particularly gendered parenting roles, i.e. the mom is the care-giver and the dad is not much of a participant in the child's life. I just...don't get that. I mean, I do but both of my parents have always been active and interested in what my brother and I have been doing. Granted, there are times that Mom still complains every now and then where Dad was more interested in hanging out and drinking beer with his hunting buddies than spending time with his month old baby girl. That doesn't mean that Dad didn't try.
But I think anyone who has met my parents knows how great they are and can see that my relationship with them is pretty excellent. I am really lucky.
What really bothered me in this parenting conversation was when she brought up that, were she in a relationship (married) at the time of having her baby, she'd be the one getting up to take care of it in the middle of the night, not the father. Because guys "aren't interested in that. They'll maybe help a little, but they'd rather be off doing there own thing." And I'm thinking, "What about the mom? What about you? Don't you want to do your own thing, too?" But this friend apparently just wants to have and raise a family within traditional family roles. Because when I mentioned that in several families I know, there will be at least one night a week in which the mom goes out to do things with her girlfriends while the dad stays home and is the primary care-giver. To which my friend responded, "Well, that's just wrong."
In retrospect, I feel like I should have asked, "Who decided the other way was right?" But then I'm sure we'd have gotten into God and religion and I don't like going there because I disagree so very much with this person on a lot of those points.
My aunt and uncle, Kay and Greg, didn't have kids until they were both in their forties. Then they had twins, Callie and Tris, and they are absolutely amazing. I love those kids a ridiculous amount. They're a great family. And Greg is wonderful with the kiddos, he always has been.
So it's really hard for me to see how it's not right that a dad should take and interest and actively care for his children. But that's just the sort of people I've been raised around I guess.
I feel like I should add that while I don't agree with the mother being a stay-at-home-mom and nothing else while the father gets to do whatever he likes, I also am not bashing those people who want nothing more than to be stay-at-home-moms. If that's what you want, go for it. I just don't understand.
It doesn't help that I've been watching Nanny 911 lately. Seriously, that show is like a train wreck. The things I see are horrible, but I can't look away. And I always want the horrible parents to get their comeuppance.
The most recent example had to do with parenting. Particularly gendered parenting roles, i.e. the mom is the care-giver and the dad is not much of a participant in the child's life. I just...don't get that. I mean, I do but both of my parents have always been active and interested in what my brother and I have been doing. Granted, there are times that Mom still complains every now and then where Dad was more interested in hanging out and drinking beer with his hunting buddies than spending time with his month old baby girl. That doesn't mean that Dad didn't try.
But I think anyone who has met my parents knows how great they are and can see that my relationship with them is pretty excellent. I am really lucky.
What really bothered me in this parenting conversation was when she brought up that, were she in a relationship (married) at the time of having her baby, she'd be the one getting up to take care of it in the middle of the night, not the father. Because guys "aren't interested in that. They'll maybe help a little, but they'd rather be off doing there own thing." And I'm thinking, "What about the mom? What about you? Don't you want to do your own thing, too?" But this friend apparently just wants to have and raise a family within traditional family roles. Because when I mentioned that in several families I know, there will be at least one night a week in which the mom goes out to do things with her girlfriends while the dad stays home and is the primary care-giver. To which my friend responded, "Well, that's just wrong."
In retrospect, I feel like I should have asked, "Who decided the other way was right?" But then I'm sure we'd have gotten into God and religion and I don't like going there because I disagree so very much with this person on a lot of those points.
My aunt and uncle, Kay and Greg, didn't have kids until they were both in their forties. Then they had twins, Callie and Tris, and they are absolutely amazing. I love those kids a ridiculous amount. They're a great family. And Greg is wonderful with the kiddos, he always has been.
So it's really hard for me to see how it's not right that a dad should take and interest and actively care for his children. But that's just the sort of people I've been raised around I guess.
I feel like I should add that while I don't agree with the mother being a stay-at-home-mom and nothing else while the father gets to do whatever he likes, I also am not bashing those people who want nothing more than to be stay-at-home-moms. If that's what you want, go for it. I just don't understand.
It doesn't help that I've been watching Nanny 911 lately. Seriously, that show is like a train wreck. The things I see are horrible, but I can't look away. And I always want the horrible parents to get their comeuppance.
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-28 05:23 am (UTC)Anyway my own personal opinion. My husband is getting up just as often as I get up in the middle of the night. And thats that!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-30 12:22 am (UTC)That's what really drives me crazy! The father-child relationship is just as important, I think. I mean, people are always pushing how important it is to have both parents.
I was watching Nanny 911 yesterday and there was this father and step-daughter. The dad was really into hunting and fishing and didn't think he had anything to share with the step-daughter. Well, gee, take her fishing! Personally I'm not much for hunting, but I loved fishing with my dad. Even if we hardly ever caught anything.
I totally agree with your comment.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-28 02:47 pm (UTC)I agree with you. I love your family, especially the way that both of your parents take an active role in your and your brother's lives. It's the kind of family, if I ever get around to having one of my own, that I would like to have.
Also, I had fun last weekend. Sorry I haven't called but this getting up at 6am is getting to me. Hopefully training will be over soon. If not I'll just get all rested up during my 5 day weekend. OH yeah! I didn't even ask for that, they just scheduled me that way, crazy huh?
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-30 12:13 am (UTC)My family loves you, too. Anytime you want to come back is good with us!
So do you have a completely different schedule now? And yea! Five day weekend!