SGA Fic - Not a Big Deal
Nov. 12th, 2007 01:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annundrielThis is not at all new. Except for the parts that ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
trademybike helped me fix up. It's fluff and I think most of my friends have read it in some form already, but I thought I'd post it so it doesn't become lost in the rest of my files.
John/Rodney. Off-world. A moment of realization.
Not a Big Deal
They’re on another planet when it finally happens. Rodney’s ranting about something or other—John’s not entirely sure, he stopped really paying attention to Rodney’s complaining about his various off-world maladies a long time ago, though he can recognize real panic when he hears it—and John’s watching his hands fly in front of him. He’s listening to the cadence of Rodney’s voice, its rise and fall, when suddenly it stops. John looks up at his face. Rodney has stopped and he’s staring at him, wide-eyes and, apparently, speechless.
John’s not sure what this means at first. He knows he hasn’t said anything to provoke a speechless Rodney. He’s not even sure he would be able to consciously stop Rodney’s words. But there he is, staring at John, speechless.
That’s when John realizes that he’s given himself away, allowed himself to watch Rodney freely, without censoring himself. It’s all displayed across his face.
It had been a good mission. No one had shot at them and they weren’t running for their lives. Trade partners had been established. They had even gotten a good (citrus free) meal. On the walk back to the ‘gate, John had let his guard down, basking in the sun and the company of a well-fed, non-threatened McKay.
Now John can’t quite meet his eyes, focusing instead on the ground at Rodney’s feet. Maybe there’s some way he can convince Rodney that what he saw, whatever he thinks he saw in John’s face was something else, something not at all resembling affection. Attachment.
But before he can say anything, awful at confronting feelings as he is, Rodney beats him to it. “Colonel,” he says, “I—I didn’t know.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, McKay,” John answers. He tells himself that he doesn’t really want to have this conversation in the middle of an alien field on an alien planet under an alien sun. He doesn’t really want to have this conversation anywhere.
But he knows that’s not entirely true. The state of unrequited limbo he’s been living in, Rodney oblivious, is something he would like to escape. And outright rejection would certainly do the trick.
“I think you do, Sheppard. And it’s—it’s—“
John looks up and Rodney’s still staring at him. “It’s not a big deal, Rodney,” he says and almost means it. He does his best not to squirm under Rodney’s gaze, but it’s a close thing with that attention focused so intently on him. “It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”
Rodney’s hands drop. So do his eyes. Now he can’t look at John and John feels his stomach bottom out as he realizes that even Rodney knowing this about him is going to change their relationship.
“Maybe I want it to be,” Rodney says, voice hushed. When John doesn’t say anything, Rodney looks up and continues. “What if it were something I wanted, too?”
John’s stomach flips. Maybe an alien meadow on an alien planet under an alien sun is just the place for awkward realizations.
“Maybe,” he says and needs to clear his throat because somehow it’s become tight. “Maybe then it can be a big deal.”
Rodney breaks into a grin and all John can do is grin back until his radio crackles and Teyla’s voice is in his ear wondering where they’ve gotten to.
trademybike helped me fix up. It's fluff and I think most of my friends have read it in some form already, but I thought I'd post it so it doesn't become lost in the rest of my files.John/Rodney. Off-world. A moment of realization.
Not a Big Deal
They’re on another planet when it finally happens. Rodney’s ranting about something or other—John’s not entirely sure, he stopped really paying attention to Rodney’s complaining about his various off-world maladies a long time ago, though he can recognize real panic when he hears it—and John’s watching his hands fly in front of him. He’s listening to the cadence of Rodney’s voice, its rise and fall, when suddenly it stops. John looks up at his face. Rodney has stopped and he’s staring at him, wide-eyes and, apparently, speechless.
John’s not sure what this means at first. He knows he hasn’t said anything to provoke a speechless Rodney. He’s not even sure he would be able to consciously stop Rodney’s words. But there he is, staring at John, speechless.
That’s when John realizes that he’s given himself away, allowed himself to watch Rodney freely, without censoring himself. It’s all displayed across his face.
It had been a good mission. No one had shot at them and they weren’t running for their lives. Trade partners had been established. They had even gotten a good (citrus free) meal. On the walk back to the ‘gate, John had let his guard down, basking in the sun and the company of a well-fed, non-threatened McKay.
Now John can’t quite meet his eyes, focusing instead on the ground at Rodney’s feet. Maybe there’s some way he can convince Rodney that what he saw, whatever he thinks he saw in John’s face was something else, something not at all resembling affection. Attachment.
But before he can say anything, awful at confronting feelings as he is, Rodney beats him to it. “Colonel,” he says, “I—I didn’t know.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, McKay,” John answers. He tells himself that he doesn’t really want to have this conversation in the middle of an alien field on an alien planet under an alien sun. He doesn’t really want to have this conversation anywhere.
But he knows that’s not entirely true. The state of unrequited limbo he’s been living in, Rodney oblivious, is something he would like to escape. And outright rejection would certainly do the trick.
“I think you do, Sheppard. And it’s—it’s—“
John looks up and Rodney’s still staring at him. “It’s not a big deal, Rodney,” he says and almost means it. He does his best not to squirm under Rodney’s gaze, but it’s a close thing with that attention focused so intently on him. “It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”
Rodney’s hands drop. So do his eyes. Now he can’t look at John and John feels his stomach bottom out as he realizes that even Rodney knowing this about him is going to change their relationship.
“Maybe I want it to be,” Rodney says, voice hushed. When John doesn’t say anything, Rodney looks up and continues. “What if it were something I wanted, too?”
John’s stomach flips. Maybe an alien meadow on an alien planet under an alien sun is just the place for awkward realizations.
“Maybe,” he says and needs to clear his throat because somehow it’s become tight. “Maybe then it can be a big deal.”
Rodney breaks into a grin and all John can do is grin back until his radio crackles and Teyla’s voice is in his ear wondering where they’ve gotten to.
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