Maybe I'm Too Stoned to Tell
Mar. 9th, 2005 01:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annundrielSo, excuse me while I have a tiny "oh crap" moment.
::flail:: Oh crap.
Aherm.
Completely unreleated...House rocks lots. From tonight's repeat...
HOUSE: Hello sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chit-chat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House. You can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning.....(blah blah)......But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine. You can't have any. An no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem. But who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell.
And w/druggie-like patient. (Natasha thought the dude was high.) House just randomly starts in on him after staring at him for a minute.
HOUSE: You think it's going to come out on its own? Are we talking bigger than a breadbasket? 'Cause, actually, it will come out on its own. Which for small stuff is no problem, it's wrapped up in a nice soft package and plop. Big stuff? You're going to rip something, which, speaking medically, is when the fun stops.
PATIENT: How did you - ?
HOUSE: We've been here for half an hour and you haven't sat down; that tells me its location. You haven't told me what it is; that tells me it's humiliating. You have a little birdie carved under your arm; that tells me you have a high tolerance for humiliation, so I figure it's not hemorrhoids. I've been a doctor twenty years. You're not going to surprise me.
PATIENT: It's an MP3 player.
HOUSE: ......Is it...Is it because of the size, the shape, or is it the pounding bass line?
An *MP3 player*?! I don't even want to know...
::flail:: Oh crap.
Aherm.
Completely unreleated...House rocks lots. From tonight's repeat...
HOUSE: Hello sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chit-chat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House. You can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning.....(blah blah)......But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine. You can't have any. An no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem. But who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell.
And w/druggie-like patient. (Natasha thought the dude was high.) House just randomly starts in on him after staring at him for a minute.
HOUSE: You think it's going to come out on its own? Are we talking bigger than a breadbasket? 'Cause, actually, it will come out on its own. Which for small stuff is no problem, it's wrapped up in a nice soft package and plop. Big stuff? You're going to rip something, which, speaking medically, is when the fun stops.
PATIENT: How did you - ?
HOUSE: We've been here for half an hour and you haven't sat down; that tells me its location. You haven't told me what it is; that tells me it's humiliating. You have a little birdie carved under your arm; that tells me you have a high tolerance for humiliation, so I figure it's not hemorrhoids. I've been a doctor twenty years. You're not going to surprise me.
PATIENT: It's an MP3 player.
HOUSE: ......Is it...Is it because of the size, the shape, or is it the pounding bass line?
An *MP3 player*?! I don't even want to know...
