SPN Ficlet: Felt, Dean/Castiel (G)
Jul. 13th, 2010 02:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annundrielFelt
Dean/Castiel
G
430
Set at the end of 4.22.
Castiel falls.
Written last month in response to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mclachlan's prompt: Castiel is falling; the first time Dean touches him (slap to the arm, hand on the shoulder, something innocuous) and Castiel actually feels it.
The first time Castiel realizes he’s falling in spite of everything, he’s alone with Dean in a gilded room.
He feels nothing when Dean punches him, not even surprise. Dean is frustrated and angry, hates being held down, held back, and Castiel knows he’s a convenient target. A reachable one.
There’s a brief spike of gratitude—hot and bright like a warning flare, new beneath his ribs—that he’s the one standing in front of Dean and not Zachariah. Not even Castiel is sure what Zachariah would do if physically provoked.
Cradling his bruised fist, Dean turns to throw harsh words and accusations at him, to plead with him. Tell him there is a right and a wrong.
Castiel listens, and turns away.
He used to think…
He used to think humanity was beautiful and full of hope. His time with Dean has shown him the rough edges, the flaws in his Father’s crowning jewel of creation. There is pain and there is suffering, and any happiness is fleeting.
Castiel wants only for Dean to be happy, to find a peace his life cannot ever give him.
And so Castiel turns away, turns so he doesn’t have to listen anymore.
Dean stops him with a hand on his arm, pulling him forcefully back to face him, and Castiel feels it like a brand through his clothing. It is not the first time Dean’s touched him—a hand on the shoulder, a clap to the back, familiarity in human touch—but it is the first time Castiel has felt it like this, felt it sinking past the very bones of the vessel he inhabits to find Castiel under all those layers.
It frightens him, more than anything else ever has. More, even, than those first threads of doubt did when they crept inside him so many months ago. Those had been a test of faith, of loyalty, and Castiel had not failed his Father.
He had failed Dean.
Dean turns away from him, disappointment writ large on his face, and Castiel feels a sharp pang in his chest that reminds him of barns and light bulbs exploding, of a knife shoved deep.
He knows what he must do. And once he makes the decision, he knows that this is it.
When Castiel sends Dean to stop Sam, he turns with Chuck to face Raphael. There’s a rush and blur of sound and noise, and Castiel steps into it, welcomes it. Knows suddenly, with a certainty he cannot account for, that his fate has always been this: to fall for Dean Winchester.
Dean/Castiel
G
430
Set at the end of 4.22.
Castiel falls.
Written last month in response to
mclachlan's prompt: Castiel is falling; the first time Dean touches him (slap to the arm, hand on the shoulder, something innocuous) and Castiel actually feels it.The first time Castiel realizes he’s falling in spite of everything, he’s alone with Dean in a gilded room.
He feels nothing when Dean punches him, not even surprise. Dean is frustrated and angry, hates being held down, held back, and Castiel knows he’s a convenient target. A reachable one.
There’s a brief spike of gratitude—hot and bright like a warning flare, new beneath his ribs—that he’s the one standing in front of Dean and not Zachariah. Not even Castiel is sure what Zachariah would do if physically provoked.
Cradling his bruised fist, Dean turns to throw harsh words and accusations at him, to plead with him. Tell him there is a right and a wrong.
Castiel listens, and turns away.
He used to think…
He used to think humanity was beautiful and full of hope. His time with Dean has shown him the rough edges, the flaws in his Father’s crowning jewel of creation. There is pain and there is suffering, and any happiness is fleeting.
Castiel wants only for Dean to be happy, to find a peace his life cannot ever give him.
And so Castiel turns away, turns so he doesn’t have to listen anymore.
Dean stops him with a hand on his arm, pulling him forcefully back to face him, and Castiel feels it like a brand through his clothing. It is not the first time Dean’s touched him—a hand on the shoulder, a clap to the back, familiarity in human touch—but it is the first time Castiel has felt it like this, felt it sinking past the very bones of the vessel he inhabits to find Castiel under all those layers.
It frightens him, more than anything else ever has. More, even, than those first threads of doubt did when they crept inside him so many months ago. Those had been a test of faith, of loyalty, and Castiel had not failed his Father.
He had failed Dean.
Dean turns away from him, disappointment writ large on his face, and Castiel feels a sharp pang in his chest that reminds him of barns and light bulbs exploding, of a knife shoved deep.
He knows what he must do. And once he makes the decision, he knows that this is it.
When Castiel sends Dean to stop Sam, he turns with Chuck to face Raphael. There’s a rush and blur of sound and noise, and Castiel steps into it, welcomes it. Knows suddenly, with a certainty he cannot account for, that his fate has always been this: to fall for Dean Winchester.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-13 09:51 pm (UTC)My love for you can't be textually rendered.
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Date: 2010-07-13 09:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-12-24 05:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-13 10:29 pm (UTC)Augh, and doesn't Dean grab him by the left shoulder? I can't remember.
ILUSFM.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-14 05:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-14 03:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-07-14 04:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-14 04:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-18 09:43 pm (UTC)I re-watched the scene when I originally wrote this - and just watched it again now - and yes, it is the left arm/shoulder. It's all about the details.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-18 10:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-13 10:32 pm (UTC)I don't know if I can fully express how much I enjoyed this. I was late to the Dean/Cas party, and 4.22 was the episode that finally got me to seek out fic. Your ficlet reminds me why I started looking in the first place.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-18 09:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-13 10:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-18 09:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-13 11:12 pm (UTC)So awesome!! Lovely, and so Cas.... poor boys.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-18 09:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-14 04:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-18 09:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-14 02:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-18 10:10 pm (UTC)I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-14 04:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-18 10:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-15 02:42 am (UTC)Huh, world travelling is fucking with me. I'm loosing my sense of priority here. Cause obviously Castiel's love for Dean is more important than enroling in stupid classes...
Wheee... I loved this so much. And it makes me feel so sorry for Castiel.
Where do people give you prompts like this one?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-18 10:18 pm (UTC)Well, yeah. ;D
I'm so happy you liked this! And at least we know how things work out for Castiel, that this isn't the end. There is hope.
This prompt was actually given to me when I was struggling with my writing and needed a bit of a kick. Occasionally, though, I'll do a drabble meme and ask for prompts. Or just ask for prompts because I'm bored. I can't always promise they'll result in anything. I've also had people PM me prompts.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 02:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 07:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 02:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 07:15 am (UTC)I really kind of love 4.22 for Dean/Castiel, because, romance or no, parts of it really do boil down to Castiel's relationship with/to Dean. It was interesting to go back and look at it again.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 03:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 07:20 am (UTC)That makes me very happy.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 04:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 07:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 04:38 am (UTC)I very much like this journey into Castiel's thoughts as Dean's words finally hit home and he realises what he was supposed to do all along.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 07:32 am (UTC)I'm so happy that this worked for you. Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 05:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-21 07:36 am (UTC)I'm pretty much a sucker for any type of Dean/Castiel. Pick a point anywhere on Castiel emotional journey, or Dean's, and I'm good. :)
I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you!!
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Date: 2010-07-22 06:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
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