Due South Fic - Sunk
Dec. 8th, 2008 10:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annundrielOriginally, I wanted to write something about the characters and observing the nape of the neck. This isn't what I thought would come out of that original idea, but thinking of RayK and Fraser on the show and necks and gazing and close-proximity brought me to "Mountie on the Bounty." And so this fic happened.
Thanks go to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ginnith and trademybike for helping me make things better. And my mom.
Kowalski/Fraser. Kind of angsty. Ray ends up at the bottom of a lake. He's not entirely sure how.
Sunk
Ray’s not sure exactly how he ended up here, in a sub at the bottom of a lake. Well, okay, he’s sure about some of it. You take this bus, you drive this car, you get on this train, you walk down this street, you turn this corner, you open this door, and you become Ray Vecchio, detective first grade, Chicago P.D. You get a partner who’s a Mountie with a deaf half-wolf and suddenly strange shit starts happening everywhere and normal becomes a distant concept.
So they’re stuck in a sub at the bottom of a lake, barely room for the two of them. They’re smooshed pretty close together, back to front. Ray’s knees are on either side of Fraser’s hips and he’s not quite sure what to do with his hands other than keep them to himself, which is difficult since Fraser is right there. So close that Ray can feel him giving off heat even through the layers of clothing between them.
The proximity doesn’t help with how hot it is in there; Ray can feel beads of sweat starting to break out on his skin, along his hairline. The hair at the back of Fraser’s head, just above his collar, is beginning to curl against his neck. It’s directly in Ray’s line of sight and Ray wants to bury his nose in the space behind Fraser’s ear and breathe deep until he can smell Fraser underneath all of the lake water.
It’s a surprise, sudden and jarring, this desire to press himself as close to Fraser as possible when not long ago, all he wanted was to get away. It’s like a punch to the gut. Or the jaw, hard and unyielding against his skin. It’s a mistake, this is all a mistake, from the moment he punched Fraser to his insistence that Fraser punch him back. If he hadn’t brought Fraser back to the waterfront, hadn’t insisted that they end their partnership on an even footing, they wouldn’t be in this mess.
Or maybe the mistakes began before that. Stupid of him to think he could have a fresh start, uncomplicated by his own past. What had he told Fraser in that crypt? The past is in your skin, it stays with you.
All he knows is that he thought this thing with Fraser would work—he wanted it to work—but Fraser is the single most frustrating person Ray has ever met. He’s a freak who licks things, jumps off buildings, and never met a window he didn’t want to leap through.
But the thing that gets Ray the most, the thing that makes Ray want to grab his shoulders and shake him, is the way that Fraser never listens to him. When Fraser found him handcuffed on the ship, his mouth covered with tape, Ray had wanted him to pull the tape off slowly. And what had Fraser done? He’d done exactly what Ray hadn’t wanted. He knows it’s better to do it quick, like ripping off a band-aid, but Ray’s not a fan of pain. In fact, he tries to avoid it whenever possible.
In the end, it didn’t matter because Fraser never listens. Sure, he asks, but that’s just part of the act, the innocent Mountie act, to keep up appearances of politeness. Because he always does exactly what he wants anyway; Fraser always knows what’s best and Ray’s tired of it. All it’s led to so far, on this case alone, has been a fall off of a building into water he can’t swim in, cuts and bruises and thumps on the head, and the repeated, very real threat of drowning. Now they’re stuck in a submarine thing at the bottom of a lake. It is not, if you ask Ray, exactly the best place to be.
But it’s not like Ray really has any choice. Fraser may not listen to him, but Ray ends up following anyway. And, okay, he doesn’t have to; there is a choice there, but Ray can’t…He can’t just let Fraser run into these things alone. Doesn’t mean he likes it, though.
Because Fraser never does what Ray wants him to, he doesn’t listen about ripping the tape off slowly and he doesn’t just let Ray make the clean break from their partnership. Ray thought it wouldn’t be so bad if he could just draw a line and say, “There, right there. We’re through. We are done. That’s where it stops.”
But no, Fraser has to look at that line, acknowledge it with a calm, “Understood, Ray,” and then pull Ray over it anyway. So Ray hast to deal with the idea that they’re not partners anymore while continuing to be Fraser’s partner.
Of course Fraser has no clue. He’s oblivious, focused on the empty water in front of them, on finding some way out of this situation. He has no idea that Ray is itching to trace where the collar of Fraser’s sweater meets his skin with his lips, slide his fingers through Fraser’s hair until he’s got that singular focus on him and Fraser finally admits that he’s not always right and Ray’s not always wrong. Until Ray realizes that he doesn’t really want to leave, that he doesn’t want Fraser to leave. This Vecchio assignment isn’t what he was expecting—how could he have anticipated Fraser? Now that he’s on the brink of leaving it though, he’s not sure he wants to. But Fraser drives him crazy and he doesn’t know how to deal with that anymore, not without some kind of trade off.
Ray’s still unbalanced from their fight, from being trapped in a sinking ship, from learning to swim and impromptu fire extinguisher rockets. From almost drowning and buddy-breathing, Fraser’s hands on his face, Fraser’s mouth on his mouth.
He almost wants to kick Fraser in the head for the last one, even if it was a survival technique. It’s thrown him, though he’ll never admit it. But Ray’s already popped him one and that solved absolutely nothing. It made everything fall apart, and he can’t take it back. They’re over; they’re both leaving, transfers waiting for them on their desks. This is just one last case, one last bizarre case and then they’re both gone.
Which, if Ray thinks about it, may be one reason to lean forward. One reason to close the gap between them and find out what the skin on the back of Fraser’s neck tastes like.
The temptation is strong, but he won’t. He can’t. There’s more than just space between them; they’ve both built walls meant to keep people out. Ray’s not sure he can get past them.
And he’s angry now—angry and sad—but he still wants to be able to look back, remember the parts that were good. Remember the Fraser who was his friend and his partner, who didn’t always niggle and split hairs and drag him off roofs and who he would sometimes catch watching him with this…this warm look on his face like maybe friends wasn’t the only thing they could be. Like Ray was actually someone special and not just some skinny, damaged cop that Fraser had to pretend to be friends with to protect the real Vecchio’s cover.
And if Ray leans forward and acts on his impulses, Fraser could take it badly. Then not only would Ray be lost at the bottom of a lake with an uncomfortable, angry Mountie, he’d also lose every one of those good memories, each of the carefully guarded fantasies. They’d all be tainted with cold, wet, lake water-soaked reality.
Of course, things might not go badly; Fraser might…But no. Ray’s not going to torture himself over that. He’s already being tortured enough as it is. Leaving was supposed to be like tearing off a band-aid; done quickly to keep the pain to a minimum, one sharp burst and it’s over. But Fraser never does what Ray wants him to and this slow tearing apart is torture.
Thanks go to
ginnith and trademybike for helping me make things better. And my mom.Kowalski/Fraser. Kind of angsty. Ray ends up at the bottom of a lake. He's not entirely sure how.
Sunk
Ray’s not sure exactly how he ended up here, in a sub at the bottom of a lake. Well, okay, he’s sure about some of it. You take this bus, you drive this car, you get on this train, you walk down this street, you turn this corner, you open this door, and you become Ray Vecchio, detective first grade, Chicago P.D. You get a partner who’s a Mountie with a deaf half-wolf and suddenly strange shit starts happening everywhere and normal becomes a distant concept.
So they’re stuck in a sub at the bottom of a lake, barely room for the two of them. They’re smooshed pretty close together, back to front. Ray’s knees are on either side of Fraser’s hips and he’s not quite sure what to do with his hands other than keep them to himself, which is difficult since Fraser is right there. So close that Ray can feel him giving off heat even through the layers of clothing between them.
The proximity doesn’t help with how hot it is in there; Ray can feel beads of sweat starting to break out on his skin, along his hairline. The hair at the back of Fraser’s head, just above his collar, is beginning to curl against his neck. It’s directly in Ray’s line of sight and Ray wants to bury his nose in the space behind Fraser’s ear and breathe deep until he can smell Fraser underneath all of the lake water.
It’s a surprise, sudden and jarring, this desire to press himself as close to Fraser as possible when not long ago, all he wanted was to get away. It’s like a punch to the gut. Or the jaw, hard and unyielding against his skin. It’s a mistake, this is all a mistake, from the moment he punched Fraser to his insistence that Fraser punch him back. If he hadn’t brought Fraser back to the waterfront, hadn’t insisted that they end their partnership on an even footing, they wouldn’t be in this mess.
Or maybe the mistakes began before that. Stupid of him to think he could have a fresh start, uncomplicated by his own past. What had he told Fraser in that crypt? The past is in your skin, it stays with you.
All he knows is that he thought this thing with Fraser would work—he wanted it to work—but Fraser is the single most frustrating person Ray has ever met. He’s a freak who licks things, jumps off buildings, and never met a window he didn’t want to leap through.
But the thing that gets Ray the most, the thing that makes Ray want to grab his shoulders and shake him, is the way that Fraser never listens to him. When Fraser found him handcuffed on the ship, his mouth covered with tape, Ray had wanted him to pull the tape off slowly. And what had Fraser done? He’d done exactly what Ray hadn’t wanted. He knows it’s better to do it quick, like ripping off a band-aid, but Ray’s not a fan of pain. In fact, he tries to avoid it whenever possible.
In the end, it didn’t matter because Fraser never listens. Sure, he asks, but that’s just part of the act, the innocent Mountie act, to keep up appearances of politeness. Because he always does exactly what he wants anyway; Fraser always knows what’s best and Ray’s tired of it. All it’s led to so far, on this case alone, has been a fall off of a building into water he can’t swim in, cuts and bruises and thumps on the head, and the repeated, very real threat of drowning. Now they’re stuck in a submarine thing at the bottom of a lake. It is not, if you ask Ray, exactly the best place to be.
But it’s not like Ray really has any choice. Fraser may not listen to him, but Ray ends up following anyway. And, okay, he doesn’t have to; there is a choice there, but Ray can’t…He can’t just let Fraser run into these things alone. Doesn’t mean he likes it, though.
Because Fraser never does what Ray wants him to, he doesn’t listen about ripping the tape off slowly and he doesn’t just let Ray make the clean break from their partnership. Ray thought it wouldn’t be so bad if he could just draw a line and say, “There, right there. We’re through. We are done. That’s where it stops.”
But no, Fraser has to look at that line, acknowledge it with a calm, “Understood, Ray,” and then pull Ray over it anyway. So Ray hast to deal with the idea that they’re not partners anymore while continuing to be Fraser’s partner.
Of course Fraser has no clue. He’s oblivious, focused on the empty water in front of them, on finding some way out of this situation. He has no idea that Ray is itching to trace where the collar of Fraser’s sweater meets his skin with his lips, slide his fingers through Fraser’s hair until he’s got that singular focus on him and Fraser finally admits that he’s not always right and Ray’s not always wrong. Until Ray realizes that he doesn’t really want to leave, that he doesn’t want Fraser to leave. This Vecchio assignment isn’t what he was expecting—how could he have anticipated Fraser? Now that he’s on the brink of leaving it though, he’s not sure he wants to. But Fraser drives him crazy and he doesn’t know how to deal with that anymore, not without some kind of trade off.
Ray’s still unbalanced from their fight, from being trapped in a sinking ship, from learning to swim and impromptu fire extinguisher rockets. From almost drowning and buddy-breathing, Fraser’s hands on his face, Fraser’s mouth on his mouth.
He almost wants to kick Fraser in the head for the last one, even if it was a survival technique. It’s thrown him, though he’ll never admit it. But Ray’s already popped him one and that solved absolutely nothing. It made everything fall apart, and he can’t take it back. They’re over; they’re both leaving, transfers waiting for them on their desks. This is just one last case, one last bizarre case and then they’re both gone.
Which, if Ray thinks about it, may be one reason to lean forward. One reason to close the gap between them and find out what the skin on the back of Fraser’s neck tastes like.
The temptation is strong, but he won’t. He can’t. There’s more than just space between them; they’ve both built walls meant to keep people out. Ray’s not sure he can get past them.
And he’s angry now—angry and sad—but he still wants to be able to look back, remember the parts that were good. Remember the Fraser who was his friend and his partner, who didn’t always niggle and split hairs and drag him off roofs and who he would sometimes catch watching him with this…this warm look on his face like maybe friends wasn’t the only thing they could be. Like Ray was actually someone special and not just some skinny, damaged cop that Fraser had to pretend to be friends with to protect the real Vecchio’s cover.
And if Ray leans forward and acts on his impulses, Fraser could take it badly. Then not only would Ray be lost at the bottom of a lake with an uncomfortable, angry Mountie, he’d also lose every one of those good memories, each of the carefully guarded fantasies. They’d all be tainted with cold, wet, lake water-soaked reality.
Of course, things might not go badly; Fraser might…But no. Ray’s not going to torture himself over that. He’s already being tortured enough as it is. Leaving was supposed to be like tearing off a band-aid; done quickly to keep the pain to a minimum, one sharp burst and it’s over. But Fraser never does what Ray wants him to and this slow tearing apart is torture.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-09 08:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-09 09:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-09 09:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-10 04:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-10 05:31 am (UTC)It will never be over. Thank God for that even though Ray is suffering right now.
Beautiful written!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-11 05:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-11 05:27 pm (UTC)I really didn't think angst would be the first place I went with DS fic!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-11 05:31 pm (UTC)I keep reminding myself that, hey, they fix things by the end. This pain and frustration won't last forever.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-11 05:36 pm (UTC)I didn't mean to go the painful route, but once I started I had to finish. At least here we know that things will get better!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-11 05:50 pm (UTC)I know! I didn't originally mean to be so heavy on the suffering. I just followed where the muse led. So thank goodness we already know they work things out by the end of MotB.
Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-11 06:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-14 08:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-18 06:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2011-09-28 10:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-24 11:41 pm (UTC)