Profound Religion
Sep. 22nd, 2003 10:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annundrielThe strangest thing happened to me Sunday night. No one get their hopes up, it wasn't that strange.
Sunday night I went to a session entitled Student Reflections on Spirituality at the Chapel of St. Ignatius on campus and then liturgy. This chapel is absolutely beautiful. I mean really. Each wall has a different color glass in it so that, depending on the time of year and day, the chapel has a different color of light in it. It's wonderful.
Anyway. Last night's mass was the strangest thing.
All of my life knew that God was real. Last night I felt that God was real. I don't know what it was. I don't know if it was the crowded church. I don't know if it was the choir and the music. I don't know if it was the priest and his deacon. I don't know what it was, but last night I had the most profound spiritual experience during any mass. I don't think I have ever felt that way about religion and belief before. All I know is that it truly felt right and true and good.
There were actually several times during mass that I was almost brought to tears. And maybe in the long run it was just homesickness manifesting itself, maybe it was just exhaustion, but I don't think so. Last night I didn't just want to be Catholic. I wanted to be a good Catholic. And I know I'm not. I try my best, but the world is hard and there are certain teachings I find myself having a hard time accepting. Neesha will think I am crazy when I say that I feel the need, I even almost want, to go to confession. Which is really odd because I have problems with confession on several levels. But there is something about the chapel that draws me to it. There is something about it that makes me really want to be better than I am.
So there it is. The strangest thing. I cannot describe how moving it was. All I wanted to do was call Dad and tell him all about it, but I knew if I did I'd cry. I talked to him today about it. He said he knew that if I just got to church on campus it would happen. Somehow he knew that it would all work. Call it a father's intuition. ;)
****
I have a bunch of stuff to say about today, and maybe a bit more about parts of yesterday. But there has been some really great stuff today and I don't really feel like tacking it onto a post that really means something to me. I'm baring my soul here people. :p
Sunday night I went to a session entitled Student Reflections on Spirituality at the Chapel of St. Ignatius on campus and then liturgy. This chapel is absolutely beautiful. I mean really. Each wall has a different color glass in it so that, depending on the time of year and day, the chapel has a different color of light in it. It's wonderful.
Anyway. Last night's mass was the strangest thing.
All of my life knew that God was real. Last night I felt that God was real. I don't know what it was. I don't know if it was the crowded church. I don't know if it was the choir and the music. I don't know if it was the priest and his deacon. I don't know what it was, but last night I had the most profound spiritual experience during any mass. I don't think I have ever felt that way about religion and belief before. All I know is that it truly felt right and true and good.
There were actually several times during mass that I was almost brought to tears. And maybe in the long run it was just homesickness manifesting itself, maybe it was just exhaustion, but I don't think so. Last night I didn't just want to be Catholic. I wanted to be a good Catholic. And I know I'm not. I try my best, but the world is hard and there are certain teachings I find myself having a hard time accepting. Neesha will think I am crazy when I say that I feel the need, I even almost want, to go to confession. Which is really odd because I have problems with confession on several levels. But there is something about the chapel that draws me to it. There is something about it that makes me really want to be better than I am.
So there it is. The strangest thing. I cannot describe how moving it was. All I wanted to do was call Dad and tell him all about it, but I knew if I did I'd cry. I talked to him today about it. He said he knew that if I just got to church on campus it would happen. Somehow he knew that it would all work. Call it a father's intuition. ;)
****
I have a bunch of stuff to say about today, and maybe a bit more about parts of yesterday. But there has been some really great stuff today and I don't really feel like tacking it onto a post that really means something to me. I'm baring my soul here people. :p
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Fatalism In Form
Date: 2003-09-26 02:50 am (UTC)Sort of like the phrase, "You are where you are." I don't know if you've ever heard it or not before. It doesn't mean location-wise, it means in life. You are where you are. You are now wiser than you were 2 months ago, a year ago, because you have now gone throught more. Learned more (from personal experience). Everything that happens to you ties in to (make) the person you are today.
Yeah, I'm a fatalist.