Not a Happy Panda
Oct. 9th, 2006 01:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annundrielI should go to bed, but I'm really kind of wired. Which means I should work on my homework for Buddhist Philosophy, but I'm afraid if I read one more page from The Lotus Sutra I am going to cry.
We were supposed to read chapters four through twenty for Monday's class. In this case that's roughly 280 pages. That's not awful given the things I've been expected to read in my literature classes and usually I'd just say "meh" and go back to watching Red Dwarf, but this is different. Every class in Buddhist Philosophy we start after the break with a ten minute presentation summarizing the materials read for that class in an attempt to promote class discussion. Tomorrow's my turn.
I told myself I wasn't going to let it freak me out. That was before I learned that the material I'd have to read was 280 pages (most other people - two before me - only had a chapter/20 pages). I talked to the professor and he said to focus on the first few parables, but that doesn't help me too much considering this is most definitely not a topic I feel comfortable talking about in front of Philosophy/Theology majors. (Although, honestly, I have no idea what they're all studying. I'd comfortable bet it's not English, though, since none of them have been in any of my lit classes.) So I'll be stuck talking about stuff I don't entirely understand in front of people I don't know and feeling like I'm wasting their time. What would be helpful would be if I could think of something interesting to say instead of just summarizing what's been read. Some question I could ask to provoke discussion. Some insight. But that's not really going to happen.
It really all comes back to me wanting people to like me and not think I'm an idiot.
And, yeah, ranting here has helped a little. I will be so glad when it's Tuesday. Except then I'll have to really think about and start the paper on Heart of Darkness that's due Thursday in Modernism.
What I need is to read or watch something really sad and have a good cry.
We were supposed to read chapters four through twenty for Monday's class. In this case that's roughly 280 pages. That's not awful given the things I've been expected to read in my literature classes and usually I'd just say "meh" and go back to watching Red Dwarf, but this is different. Every class in Buddhist Philosophy we start after the break with a ten minute presentation summarizing the materials read for that class in an attempt to promote class discussion. Tomorrow's my turn.
I told myself I wasn't going to let it freak me out. That was before I learned that the material I'd have to read was 280 pages (most other people - two before me - only had a chapter/20 pages). I talked to the professor and he said to focus on the first few parables, but that doesn't help me too much considering this is most definitely not a topic I feel comfortable talking about in front of Philosophy/Theology majors. (Although, honestly, I have no idea what they're all studying. I'd comfortable bet it's not English, though, since none of them have been in any of my lit classes.) So I'll be stuck talking about stuff I don't entirely understand in front of people I don't know and feeling like I'm wasting their time. What would be helpful would be if I could think of something interesting to say instead of just summarizing what's been read. Some question I could ask to provoke discussion. Some insight. But that's not really going to happen.
It really all comes back to me wanting people to like me and not think I'm an idiot.
And, yeah, ranting here has helped a little. I will be so glad when it's Tuesday. Except then I'll have to really think about and start the paper on Heart of Darkness that's due Thursday in Modernism.
What I need is to read or watch something really sad and have a good cry.
